Avoid Mistletoe to Avoid Swine Flu

Single people beware – our favourite Christmas tradition is on the verge of being ruined in a collaboration between swine flu and etiquette specialists Debrett’s.

For time immemorial the unattached among us have always had a smile on our face at the festive end of the year thanks to the white berried plant known as Mistletoe. However, this year your lips may have to be kept to themselves to avoid spreading swine flu, and be replaced with a more health conscious kiss on the cheek. Although the thought of a global pandemic spread by festive kissing is bizarre the warning itself is surprisingly, not the worst of it.

Debrett’s started publishing books on social manners in the mid 1900s to go along with other publications about the social hierarchy of England. Their most famous magnum-opus, Correct Form, was recently updated to include business etiquette and American customs.

However the 18 do’s and do not do’s of mistletoe encounters on their website (www.debretts.com) make for hilarious reading. They encourage people to ‘not be a sleaze with wandering hands’, ‘pick a willing target’ and ‘not to leave a saliva trace. And yes, they could have phrased the last one better.

Also included is the fact that you should never reject a kiss under the mistletoe. What kind of up-tight prudes are they inviting to their Christmas get-togethers?They continue on the anti-swine flu rap informing people it is bad form to kiss the air and to make sound effects. They mean the “mwah” sound by the way before anybody thinks making aeroplane noises are acceptable.

Also included are two points which surely even the the most socially inept of us were aware of.

‘Don’t kiss anyone if you, or they, have a mouthful of food or drink’ (Obviously that could get rather messy or embarrassing if they have been eating twiglets).

‘Keep away from the mistletoe if you’ve had too much to drink – your social skills will be impaired & you don’t want any of those morning-after regrets’.

Now they just want you to have no fun whatsoever. The office Christmas party is the only time you can do this because nobody will remember it the day after. So for the swine flu conscious, avoid any mistletoe and for the daredevils among us walk around with a bit constantly tucked behind your ear.

Either way another Christmas tradition is being slowly eroded away.

Colin Rowe

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Tags: Christmas

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009 at 5:32 pm and is filed under Featured. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.